Saturday, November 6, 2010

Two men were boasting...

Two men were boasting to each other about their old army days.
"Why, my outfit was so well drilled," declared one, "that when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click."
"Very good," conceded the other, "but when my company presented arms you'd just hear slap, slap, jingle."
"What was the jingle?" asked the first. "Oh," replied the other offhand, "just our medals."

A critical shortage of typists...

A critical shortage of typistsA soldier was asked to report to the headquarters sergeant for an assignment.The sergeant said, ?We have a critical shortage of typists. I`ll give you a little test. Type this,? he ordered, giving him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper, and pointing to a desk across the room that held a typewriter and an adding machine.The man, quite reluctant to become a clerk typist, made a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work contained as many errors as possible.The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance. ?That`s fine,?" he said. ?Report for work at 8 tomorrow.??But aren`t you going to check the test?? the prospective clerk asked.The sergeant grinned. ?You passed the test,? he replied, ?when you sat down at the typewriter instead of at the adding machine.?

A recruit examines the food ...

A recruit examines the food served to him in the batallion dining room."Do I have any choice here," he asks a sergeant."Yes, you do. You may eat it or not"

Build a Road the Army ...

Build a Road the Army WayOne of my first jobs as a new Army lieutenant in Vietnam was to build a road across a rice paddy. Progress was slow because the paddy devoured most of the dirt we laid down. My superior officer, a major, appeared one day, determined to speed things up.His solution was to scrape the crust off the top of the paddy and with it, construct the road. He quelled my protestations with a stern, ?Lieutenant, *I`m* in charge.?He ordered a bulldozer into the paddy, but the massive monster sank in the muck. Undaunted, the major ordered another dozer to help the first one out. It, too, was soon stuck. After a long silence, the major got into his jeep. His departing words were,?Lieutenant, you`re in charge.?

Sarge & the new recruits...

Sarge & the new recruitsOne day, a sergeant of long service standing was trying to teach a bunch of raw recruits how to handle the rifle. The rookies were firing hither and yon and finally one of them shot the sarge in the seat of his breeches. ?You dumb, censored, son of censored, censored, censored,? screamed the sarge.A second lieutenant that was with the group cautioned, ?Remember, Sarge, you`re in the New Army. No profanities.?The sergeant apologized to the officer and turned back to the recruit. ?My goodness gracious,? he said, ?What on earth was your motivation in shooting me with unwarranted expenditure of valuable ammunition??

Thursday, October 28, 2010

The chief of staff of the...

The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. He directed a nearby Air Force base that will be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited.
As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them. The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself.
He looked at the first young man and asked, "Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?"
The young man looks at him and says, "I'm a pilot!"
The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, "Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!"
The aide hustles the young man off. The general looks at the second young man and asked, "What skills to you bring to the Air Force?"
The young man says, "I chop wood!"
"Son," the general replies, "we don't need wood choppers in the Air Force, what do you know how to do?"
"I chop wood!"
"Young man," huffs the general, "you are not listening to me, we don't need wood choppers, this is the 20th century!"
"Well," the young man says, "you hired my brother!"
"Of course we did," says the general, "he's a pilot!"
The young man rolls his eyes and says, "So what! I have to chop it before he can pile it!"

Top Ways The Army ...

Top Ways The Army Is Trying To Boost Recruiting8. Military transport flights now earn you Delta frequent flier miles7. Where else can you shoot guns and get awakened in the middle of the night by loud explosions besides New York, Chicago and Detroit?6. Get rid of all those creepy "Richard Simmons Wants You" posters5. Intelligence spy satellite may be used to watch television 24 hours a day4. Superiors may now be addressed as "Dude"3. Make it so every hand grenade has a creamy nougat center2. Next mission: all-out invasion of Temptation Island1. New slogan "Army of One" replaces "Hope You Like Scrubbing Latrines!"