The chief of staff of the...

The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. He directed a nearby Air Force base that will be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited.
As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them. The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself.
He looked at the first young man and asked, "Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?"
The young man looks at him and says, "I'm a pilot!"
The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, "Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!"
The aide hustles the young man off. The general looks at the second young man and asked, "What skills to you bring to the Air Force?"
The young man says, "I chop wood!"
"Son," the general replies, "we don't need wood choppers in the Air Force, what do you know how to do?"
"I chop wood!"
"Young man," huffs the general, "you are not listening to me, we don't need wood choppers, this is the 20th century!"
"Well," the young man says, "you hired my brother!"
"Of course we did," says the general, "he's a pilot!"
The young man rolls his eyes and says, "So what! I have to chop it before he can pile it!"

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Top Ways The Army ...

Top Ways The Army Is Trying To Boost Recruiting8. Military transport flights now earn you Delta frequent flier miles7. Where else can you shoot guns and get awakened in the middle of the night by loud explosions besides New York, Chicago and Detroit?6. Get rid of all those creepy "Richard Simmons Wants You" posters5. Intelligence spy satellite may be used to watch television 24 hours a day4. Superiors may now be addressed as "Dude"3. Make it so every hand grenade has a creamy nougat center2. Next mission: all-out invasion of Temptation Island1. New slogan "Army of One" replaces "Hope You Like Scrubbing Latrines!"

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12-mile march...

12-mile marchI was a new Army basic trainee at Fort McClellan and one requirement was ademanding 12-mile march. We got started at 6 a.m. and were pumped up for the trek.An hour later, feeling the heavy load of our packs, we wondered if the end wouldever come.?Men,? our sergeant yelled, ?You`re doing a FINE job. We`ve already covered four miles!?Revitalized, we picked up the pace.?And,? continued Sarge, ?we should reach the starting point any minute now.?

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How Army policy began

How Army policy beganThis is how Army policy all begins...Start with a cage containing five apes. In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the Banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes with cold water. After a while, another ape makes an attempt with the same result - all the apes are sprayed with cold water.Continue until, when another ape tries to climb the stairs, the other apes try to prevent it.Now, turn off the cold water.Now, remove one ape from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new ape sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his horror, all of the other apes attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.Next, remove another of the original five apes and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm.Again, replace a third original ape with a new one. The new one makes it to the stairs and is attacked as well. Two of the four apes that beat him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs, or why they are participating in the beating of the newest ape.After replacing the fourth and fifth original apes, all the apes which have been sprayed with cold water have been replaced. Nevertheless, no ape ever again approaches the stairs. Why not?"Because that`s the way it`s always been around here."That`s how Army policy begins...

 

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That`s Not ItA general ...

That`s Not ItA general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That`s not it" and put it down again.This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That`s it."

Two men were boasting...

Two men were boasting to each other about their old army days.
"Why, my outfit was so well drilled," declared one, "that when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click."
"Very good," conceded the other, "but when my company presented arms you'd just hear slap, slap, jingle."
"What was the jingle?" asked the first. "Oh," replied the other offhand, "just our medals."
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US Army private ...

US Army private filling out a questionnaire ...A US Army private filling out a questionnaire for a correspondence course was stymied by the question, ?How long has your present employer been in business?? He thought for a moment, and then wrote, ?Since 1776.?

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